I write this blog with the hope that my personal story, matched with scientific knowledge, will help you to better understand who you are sexually. Learning about the places in life where Sex, Science and Nature come together can empower you to find fulfillment in the unique sexual person you are, as well as acceptance of yourself.
Science has answers to some of the most delicate and often overwhelming questions we ask ourselves and one another about sex, but sometimes it can be very difficult to access good knowledge about what is normal or how to approach sexual challenges.
I am a Reproductive Physiologist and the inventor of Pre-Seed, the world’s first “fertility” lubricant. My posts share reviews and commentary on science that illuminates or impacts human sexuality to make the science behind our functioning as natural sexual beings accessible.
Some of you may know me as “Dr. E” from my work helping infertile couples. You may have seen me in the National Geographic special “Sizing Up Sperm” or heard me on National Public Radio talking about my research (with the UPS man delivering semen for breeding my pet 900 lb pig). As a scientist in the field of Andrology (Male Fertility), I’ve spent 30 years studying how to protect sperm to optimize male fertility, among other things. Along the way, my National Institute of Health (NIH) funded research focused on how the female’s Fallopian Tube cells select and nurture the best sperm so they can fertilize the egg.
I’ve learned that human conception is not the “battle” between sexes it is often portrayed as — but rather it is an intricately timed collaboration between the male and female.
The ovaries and Fallopian Tubes work together to provide everything sperm need in order to preserve their DNA (genetic material) and their motility (swimming capacity) so they can create a healthy baby.
During this research, I learned that the leading vaginal lubricants on the market were killing sperm — even the ones labeled “non-spermicidal.” My research revealed that many trying-to-conceive (TTC) couples were using lubricants to try to make “having-to-have sex while conceiving a baby” (“Baby-dancing” in the TTC vernacular) more comfortable, without knowing that these products damage sperm. As my work increasingly moved towards helping infertile couples, I also faced significant challenges conceiving my second son. My life and work came together as I experienced personally how the stress of TTC can adversely impact a couple’s love life.
Following my completely serendipitous discovery of a natural plant sugar (arabinogalactan) that provides antioxidant support for sperm, I teamed with a committed group of colleagues to invent Pre-Seed, the world’s first “fertility” lubricant. It is uniquely and specifically designed to support sperm and provide an optimal environment for their journey to the egg. Since Pre-Seed was launched in 2003, we have sold millions of doses around the world, providing “seriously fun baby-making” for TTC couples, and learning a great deal about the sex and nature of human sexuality.
While doing all this science I am also just like “every woman” who makes her way through life, sex, and intimacy. Each of us feels empowered at times and ridiculous at others — as we move into and out of confident sexual selves. In my case, I can talk about reproduction on national TV but am deeply embarrassed to buy “personal items” at the store (I always try to bury them under other things in my cart, even picking up items I don’t need to cover them up). Just like most of you, I have had to work to maintain a fulfilling intimate life. While doing my scientific work in the science of sex and reproduction, I have also been a mother, wife, and sexual partner navigating prolonged and significant health issues and the emotional stress of attempted hostile company takeovers, as well as divorce, remarriage and blended families. My science is, thus, my life.
From my work as a Reproductive Physiologist I know most of us want a more fulfilling, enthralling sex life, but we often don’t know how to find it.
I have encountered many people, who have experienced deep emotional pain around sex in their daily lives. Whether concerned with fertility, or just with keeping everyday love alive, knowing our sexual self is an important key to human happiness. We each have this self, but finding correct information about it and connecting with it confidently is not always easy.
Science can help us nurture and enjoy this self, especially when we consciously integrate an understanding of scientific findings with an acceptance of our human nature.
My aim is to help you discover science that makes sense of our human sexuality and understand yourself as a natural, sexual person.
My wife, Molly, and I had the kind of life others could only envy. We had a beautiful, and brilliant,14-year-old daughter, a gorgeous home, and a red-hot sex life. Our marriage of 16 years seemed better than ever. And then one ordinary day, out of the blue, Molly told me that she had once had sex with a woman during a threesome. My eyes bugged out of my head to the sound of a Klaxon horn, like in an old Droopy cartoon.
Molly thought she was bisexual and wanted my permission to try sleeping with other women, and being a big dumb man, I thought it would be my golden ticket to every man’s fantasy: A threesome. Six years later, I got that and much more than I bargained for. Molly encouraged me to see other women, and we entered into an open, mixed-orientation marriage.
After some disastrous attempts at sex parties and hotel hookups, I found myself in a downward spiral of depression and despair. And when our daughter discovered evidence of Molly’s extracurricular activities, our family began to disintegrate before my eyes.
There are an estimated two to three million straight spouses in past or present marriages with a bisexual, lesbian or gay partner. How to Lose Your Wife to Another Woman is a memoir of my experiences, that offers an intimate look at a straight spouse living in a gay spouse’s closet; the secret world of sex parties, swinging and infidelity; and a man brought face to face with the limits of love, and the bitter pain of betrayal.
James Oliver Chapman is the author of How to Lose Your Wife to Another Woman: A Memoir of a Mixed Orientation Marriage. Visit him at howtoloseyourwifetoanotherwoman.com, Facebook and Twitter.
Pre-Seed® is giving away these awesome Pre-Seed Baby onesies! Too bad I didn’t have this for my son, who was the original FIRST Pre-Seed baby or as I used to call them “Seedlings.”
If you have a Pre-Seed baby, send your TTC success story to Pre-Seed and get your own onesie.
Seeing these onesies made me think of my favorite Pre-Seed stories. Of course, my all time fav is right next to me in this picture. But another story that has always stood out was this one from Frank G. I hope it blesses you too!
Dear Pre Seed,
I have meant to write this letter for over a year now. So, here is our story…
My wife and I tried to conceive for seven (yes seven!) years and spent over $35,000.00 at a fertility clinic, with no results. A very sad and emotionally draining experience to say the least. We just accepted that we may never be able to conceive our own children so we then decided to adopt a baby girl from China. We went through all of the classes, meetings, paperwork, background checks, and paid out lots more money so we could realize our dream of being parents. We were finally given a “log in date” of December of 2006. We were originally told it should only take 12 to 14 months from that date until we get pick up our daughter in China. As of today’s date 8/18/09 we have still heard nothing from China and don’t expect to any time soon. There have been delays from China for all adoptions for some reason.
One evening almost two years ago I was watching television and a news anchor mentioned how some people were successfully conceiving using some sort of kit. I went upstairs, logged on to the Internet and began my research. I guess we just assumed that the doctors were giving all the credible methods we could use. I soon came across your wonderful product as well as the book “Taking Charge of Your Fertility”. I immediately ordered the book and read it in three days (Yes my wife thought I was a bit nuts). I then ordered Pre Seed and we began charting. Honestly, we were happy to have found another method that was very low stress, natural, and relatively inexpensive, but I don’t think we truly believed it would work.
Well, it did work, and it worked after only three months of trying. I will NEVER forget coming home to my wife waiting at the door with a little plastic thing that said “Pregnant!” Nothing had even said this once in seven years, and there it was. She started crying and I did too. Then, because we are both over forty, we decided to not get too excited because we are very aware of the risks. We couldn’t help it though. Something actually said PREGNANT! We were overjoyed.
The delivery of our son went as close to perfectly as one could hope. It went so quickly there wasn’t enough time left to administer any pain killers for my wife! Yeah, she’s a tough cookie. Our son just turned one year old on July 28th 2009, and he is the joy of our lives. I have told so many people about what worked for us I have even prepared an email I forward all the time. I will include it here at the end of this email.
Thank you so much for your incredible product. My wife and I truly believe it was a combination of Pre Seed, The Book, and being able to relax about the attempts that worked. If you should ever want to contact me or ask any further questions, email me and I would be happy to give you my contact information.
Frank, Jane and Frankie G
There are an estimated 2 to 3 million spouses who have lived or who are living in a mixed orientation marriage. James Chapman shares a short summary of his mixed-orientation marriage journey and book with you in this post.
These awesome Pre-Seed onesies made me think of my favorite TTC success stories. Of course, my all time fav is right next to me in this picture. But here's another story that has always stood out for me:
When I was a featured Scientist in the National Geographic documentary “The Great Sperm Race” I was in full menopause meltdown, but I didn’t know it. I thought I had just lost my mind.