I write this blog with the hope that my personal story, matched with scientific knowledge, will help you to better understand who you are sexually. Learning about the places in life where Sex, Science and Nature come together can empower you to find fulfillment in the unique sexual person you are, as well as acceptance of yourself.
Science has answers to some of the most delicate and often overwhelming questions we ask ourselves and one another about sex, but sometimes it can be very difficult to access good knowledge about what is normal or how to approach sexual challenges.
I am a Reproductive Physiologist and the inventor of Pre-Seed, the world’s first “fertility” lubricant. My posts share reviews and commentary on science that illuminates or impacts human sexuality to make the science behind our functioning as natural sexual beings accessible.
Some of you may know me as “Dr. E” from my work helping infertile couples. You may have seen me in the National Geographic special “Sizing Up Sperm” or heard me on National Public Radio talking about my research (with the UPS man delivering semen for breeding my pet 900 lb pig). As a scientist in the field of Andrology (Male Fertility), I’ve spent 30 years studying how to protect sperm to optimize male fertility, among other things. Along the way, my National Institute of Health (NIH) funded research focused on how the female’s Fallopian Tube cells select and nurture the best sperm so they can fertilize the egg.
I’ve learned that human conception is not the “battle” between sexes it is often portrayed as — but rather it is an intricately timed collaboration between the male and female.
The ovaries and Fallopian Tubes work together to provide everything sperm need in order to preserve their DNA (genetic material) and their motility (swimming capacity) so they can create a healthy baby.
During this research, I learned that the leading vaginal lubricants on the market were killing sperm — even the ones labeled “non-spermicidal.” My research revealed that many trying-to-conceive (TTC) couples were using lubricants to try to make “having-to-have sex while conceiving a baby” (“Baby-dancing” in the TTC vernacular) more comfortable, without knowing that these products damage sperm. As my work increasingly moved towards helping infertile couples, I also faced significant challenges conceiving my second son. My life and work came together as I experienced personally how the stress of TTC can adversely impact a couple’s love life.
Following my completely serendipitous discovery of a natural plant sugar (arabinogalactan) that provides antioxidant support for sperm, I teamed with a committed group of colleagues to invent Pre-Seed, the world’s first “fertility” lubricant. It is uniquely and specifically designed to support sperm and provide an optimal environment for their journey to the egg. Since Pre-Seed was launched in 2003, we have sold millions of doses around the world, providing “seriously fun baby-making” for TTC couples, and learning a great deal about the sex and nature of human sexuality.
While doing all this science I am also just like “every woman” who makes her way through life, sex, and intimacy. Each of us feels empowered at times and ridiculous at others — as we move into and out of confident sexual selves. In my case, I can talk about reproduction on national TV but am deeply embarrassed to buy “personal items” at the store (I always try to bury them under other things in my cart, even picking up items I don’t need to cover them up). Just like most of you, I have had to work to maintain a fulfilling intimate life. While doing my scientific work in the science of sex and reproduction, I have also been a mother, wife, and sexual partner navigating prolonged and significant health issues and the emotional stress of attempted hostile company takeovers, as well as divorce, remarriage and blended families. My science is, thus, my life.
From my work as a Reproductive Physiologist I know most of us want a more fulfilling, enthralling sex life, but we often don’t know how to find it.
I have encountered many people, who have experienced deep emotional pain around sex in their daily lives. Whether concerned with fertility, or just with keeping everyday love alive, knowing our sexual self is an important key to human happiness. We each have this self, but finding correct information about it and connecting with it confidently is not always easy.
Science can help us nurture and enjoy this self, especially when we consciously integrate an understanding of scientific findings with an acceptance of our human nature.
My aim is to help you discover science that makes sense of our human sexuality and understand yourself as a natural, sexual person.
About 60% of married Americans give and receive oral sex, but many want to receive more oral sex than they are getting.
Usually, this comes down to one of three things:
Young people can be very self-centered in sex, especially guys. For me, a man’s willingness to do oral and enjoyment of same has been a required selection criteria in adult relationships.
Ladies, whether you are 19 or 90, if you start sleeping with a guy who treats being near your pussy similar to having to remove hair clogs from the shower drain, this is not what you want in a long term relationship.
Although cunnilingus may not be critical to you now, a man’s fear or revulsion of your genital area may not go away later when you want better sex for yourself. Think twice before committing too much to a partner like this.
The gross out factor for guy down on gal is best dealt with by keeping yourself clean, especially washing the grooves deep inside the vulva where the white cheese-like oils accumulate.
The very best, non-irritating pussy wash I have found is Organix Teatree Peppermint Body Wash. It gently cleans and it gives a bit of tingly jump start “down there”, plus it smells fab!
Avoid feminine wipes. They have high ion/salt concentrations that can irritate cells in the area and they taste gross!
It also may help to shave, a lot…. If you like cunnilingus and he doesn’t like the hair, shave it every day or two in the shower, no big deal.
In fact, ask your guy if he would like you to try “shaving.” If his eyes light up, even if he says “No, that’s OK”, do it!
While some guys don’t do the period stuff, make sure you communicate beforehand what is going on—“Not going down there tonight,” so he knows the sexual script has changed. Or you can use an Instead cup to cover your cervix so blood stays inside you during your love making. Be sure to remove it afterwards.
To get a man who is just put off by the whole thing to enjoy cunnilingus, start with short sessions of light kisses initially, and give him all the right audibles.
Then as he relaxes each time you have sex, encourage him to stay a bit longer by praising him during the session with up an/down hip movements and some “MMmmms.”
Try, also, putting a small pillow under your ass (to raise up your cootch), then bend your knees and bring your heels up towards your butt (as if in a laying down yoga position). Open it all up to him—it is easier for him and allows him to better visualize what he is doing where and to correlate his moves with your reactions. It also makes you open and vulnerable to him at a time he may be feeling a bit intimated.
Dark or dim lighting is always a good equalizer for nervous folks too. And throughout the process, give praise!
For her on him, minimizing gross-out of oral sex on men is of course linked to having a clean cock.
Beyond that, if she gags because he is thrusting too deep, he will probably get less oral sex. Few women want to be gagged during a Deep Throat blow job.
And, of course, a huge concern for most gals is dealing with a mouthful of cum. It isn’t always that fun to receive, and if you as a man have not ejaculated in a while, your wad is huge, thick and overly sweet tasting (e.g. gaggy).
Similarly, if you haven’t drunk much water during the day, your wad can be extra thick and highly concentrated with sugars (slimy sweet). This can turn even the biggest fellatio fan off.
So, guys, as you ponder your sexual script, think about what aspect you like most in BJs. Having oral sex for arousal and foreplay is completely different than finishing sex with your cum in her mouth. So, think about these two activities as separate events.
Is your favorite part of a BJ the sensation of the arousal? If so, then use oral during the 7 Stages of foreplay to get her giving you more that way; build it into your sex script as part of normal foreplay, but limit the times you come orally if that isn’t her favorite.
And guys, this is your time for the audibles… groan, moan, “Oh baby” it up so she knows you like it.
Ladies, focus on how soft and sensual his cock feels on the roof of your mouth, close your eyes and enjoy the sensation of it sliding in and out. Don’t gag yourself unless, over time, you start enjoying pushing the boundaries.
Guys…with a timid oral gal, do not grab her head and pull her onto you unless she wants you to try this. The tradeoff isn’t worth it.
And remember: For women who don’t like doing fellatio much, not having it tied to ejaculation every time keeps her from being overwhelmed by it. It’s better if she feels like she is an empowered tigress when she does it, so train her in the ways you need the oral sex without intimidating her.
If coming in your lady’s mouth is really all you want from oral sex, you may need to make sure to give her a rocking orgasm before you go there.
The Journal of Sexual Medicine has a scathing review of the media hysteria surrounding the two poor quality papers (out of the hundreds published on the topic) about testosterone (T) therapy in men that I recently discussed.
Instead of reporting a life saving benefit of testosterone supplementation as found in study after study, these studies contrarily suggested a risk of Testosterone therapy.
If you have been living or breathing in the past few months, you know the media jumped all OVER these two papers, while ignoring the established solid evidence showing that testosterone therapy SAVES LIVES.
The journal editorial states “Neither study…provides any credible evidence that T use is associated with increased cardiovascular risk.”
The author compares the current bad medicine to what happened with Hormone Replacement Therapy in women in the past decade. “In both cases, the allegations regarding risk were distorted, opposing views were trampled by a stampede of negative press, and the actual sceince regarding risk was hijacked in a broader war against the use of hormones.”
The author proposes the hysteria surrounding this topic is a mix of vocal groups that have come together including: “antipharma” groups, “naturalists opposed to medicalization of aging” and “antisex” groups.
The current outrage over the use of T therapy, they suggest, should be regarded as “hormonophobia“. The author proposes that the true outrage is that men suffering from a poor quality of life due to a T deficiency may fail to receive proper treatment that could improve how they feel as well as significantly prolonging their lives, due to a social hysteria unrelated to actual medical evidence.
About 60% of married Americans give and receive oral sex, but many want to more than they are getting. Find out the top 3 reasons we're not getting as much as we want, plus Dr. E shares tips on how to receive more oral sex!
Instead of reporting a life saving benefit of testosterone supplementation for men as found in study after study, media coverage highlights studies contrarily suggesting a risk of hormone therapy.
Tracking ovulation is one of the most effective ways to boost your chances of getting pregnant. Here are some factors that affect your ovulation cycle and tracking it.